It is hard to believe that the debt ceiling hasn't been raised yet. It is down to two days, with millions of people hanging onto every move the Congresspeople make. I can only stand to check periodically to see what, if any, progress has been made. There is no question that it's the Tea Partiers who are responsible for this crisis. They manufactured it to begin with and are holding the entire nation hostage as they kick and scream their way into (likely) getting their way. This should not be possible. I'm afraid that the Dems are going to cave on every last thing they want (negotiating with the terrorists) and inviting them to do it again the next time they have something they want. I'm disgusted with the process in Washington and I'm disgusted with my country. Things should not be as they are, but here I am, without a way in hell to make a difference. Even voting is a waste of time and postage. Bah, humbug.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
CRAP, I'M TIRED OF EDITING MYSELF
I have been doing a lot more FB activity than in the past and I see that I haven't blogged in almost a year. I'm here today because I have realized recently that I am editing my thinking (or writing) depending on the person I'm talking to and that is a concern to me.
Having grown up in a small town where I never felt like I was able to be myself, I thought I had gotten over that childhood imprint for many years. Then, to a large extent, my postings on FB made me realize how little I actually state my real mind.
Some of that is because I am concerned about public postings in general, but the largest part of it is a desire not to hurt anyone's feelings by stating my seriously strong feelings on different subjects.
Witness my recent dust-up with my friend, Patti. As usual, I was already being very careful not to hurt her feelings, since I know how sensitive she is, when suddenly, I could hear in her voice that she was tensed up and aggressive. She explained how she was hurt by another friend whereupon I got my usual feeling that she is likely saying the same kinds of things about me to HER.
Now she is more than willing to state her beliefs about everything under the sun, yet I was loathe to really say what was on my mind. On this particular occasion, I suggested that we hang up and not take the disagreement any further. Now, I find myself days later feeling stupid to have kept my true feelings a secret. She accussed me of being on drugs as it was, even though I was walking on eggs the whole time. So there's simply no reason not to say what I really think. She knows I love her. God, we have been through so much agony in our friendship over the years, so she should never question that. So why am I not saying the truth to her. Is there some part of my mind that doesn't want to be judged about my feelings?
Of course, this is all connected to my childhood -- being unable or incapable to state my real thoughts. Back when I was young, I would typically be hit if I said something my father didn't like, which was a lot. He seemed to hate me when I talked about my most secret feelings. No wonder I don't want to talk about them now. There's nothing to control someone like inflicting pain to keep them in line.
All I know is that this is the real reason for Rebel Yell. Rebel Scream might be a better name. I want to scream my true feelings and thoughts and let the chips fall where they may. I have a mind and I want to speak it, desparately. One day, maybe I will be truly able to to that.
Having grown up in a small town where I never felt like I was able to be myself, I thought I had gotten over that childhood imprint for many years. Then, to a large extent, my postings on FB made me realize how little I actually state my real mind.
Some of that is because I am concerned about public postings in general, but the largest part of it is a desire not to hurt anyone's feelings by stating my seriously strong feelings on different subjects.
Witness my recent dust-up with my friend, Patti. As usual, I was already being very careful not to hurt her feelings, since I know how sensitive she is, when suddenly, I could hear in her voice that she was tensed up and aggressive. She explained how she was hurt by another friend whereupon I got my usual feeling that she is likely saying the same kinds of things about me to HER.
Now she is more than willing to state her beliefs about everything under the sun, yet I was loathe to really say what was on my mind. On this particular occasion, I suggested that we hang up and not take the disagreement any further. Now, I find myself days later feeling stupid to have kept my true feelings a secret. She accussed me of being on drugs as it was, even though I was walking on eggs the whole time. So there's simply no reason not to say what I really think. She knows I love her. God, we have been through so much agony in our friendship over the years, so she should never question that. So why am I not saying the truth to her. Is there some part of my mind that doesn't want to be judged about my feelings?
Of course, this is all connected to my childhood -- being unable or incapable to state my real thoughts. Back when I was young, I would typically be hit if I said something my father didn't like, which was a lot. He seemed to hate me when I talked about my most secret feelings. No wonder I don't want to talk about them now. There's nothing to control someone like inflicting pain to keep them in line.
All I know is that this is the real reason for Rebel Yell. Rebel Scream might be a better name. I want to scream my true feelings and thoughts and let the chips fall where they may. I have a mind and I want to speak it, desparately. One day, maybe I will be truly able to to that.
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